Responding to a new friend, asking for support in a daunting time.. 

You're right.. You can only live for yourself.. you can only take responsibility for your own choices.. You can take responsibility for as much as you want, but what is truly yours to own? Your experience, your feelings, your truth.. own them, honor them, and acknowledge and listen to them.. Probably those last two first, but I doubt it matters.

Ok, so, actually I have been considering lately that I might need to write a book.. or at least something for myself. Last night, a friend was staying at my place. He's actually a friend from high school. One of the only ones that seems to be on a parallel path. We met kinda randomly (what is "random" anyway?) after the Power to the Peaceful Festival, which I coordinate healers for each year. We connected, and are now budding friends.

He was telling me that he is studying spiritual awakenings catalyzed by psychedelic experiences at CIIS (California Institute of Integral Studies). I was instantly lit up, as my life was radically altered 6 years ago from such an experience, that could have very easily turned grey. I was wigged out.

One of my (myspace) blogs talks about it in detail.. Let me see if I can find it, then I'll write you your own synopsis.

Fuggit, I'll share it fresh.

So it started with an inquiry into time, delved into the nature of life, existence, consciousness, and choice. That is what we have, right? The inquiry got more and more subtle. I was amazed at what the mind is capable of. Instead of writing down the profound insights that were coming through my mind (which I didn't dare assume were divinely inspired, but followed a deep and uncharacteristic acknowledgement of the undeniable presence of God, universal intelligence, Truth, what-have-you), I sat, and marinated in it. Later, I had a visual experience that crystalized the wisdom, and paved the way for my understanding of geometric archetypes that link all of the different facets of our reality. I eventually began seeing how to view the future. I saw some trajectories that were very unpleasant.. to the extent that I demanded that everyone present never speak of the incident again. I was convinced that seeing the future could lead to creating that exact reality.. a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Needless to say, I would have probably began doubting my sanity shortly thereafter, and had difficulty functioning in society (moreso than already, I was a pretty heavy stoner). What happened next was unprecidented.

A quantum physics book was handed to me. It articulated the exact sentiments I had "stumbled" upon a day or two earlier.

Shortly thereafter, the same friend who handed me the quantum physics book insisted that I read Krishnamurti's "The First and Last Freedom." I did. It changed my life.

A woman who was already in my life asked me a fundamental question: "Are you a spiritual person?" Before that time, "spirituality" didn't have much meaning to me, if the notion even existed for me. I soon began reading "Conversations with God, Book 3" and another book called "Earth, the Pliedian Keys to the Living Library."

All of these external happenings were indicators that I was on the right track, and that my insights and experiences were indeed valid. In fact, that's exactly what this new literature articulated. I was walked through exactly how, not only this small awakening, but my entire life of a deeper sensitivity to reality, to consciousness, to an intrinsic divine endowment of universal proportions.. was all very valid and real.

So I walked on, continued listening, and participating with this new dialogue. See, one of the inquiries I had come upon was.. Well, let me take the time to relate to you an introduction into the line of reasoning that unlocked this access to "divine" wisdom, or simple intelligence.

First, was the inquiry into time.

Driving to Chico, where my friends and I were to partake in a "ceremonial" (not really) trip into an unpredictable realm of fungal consciousness, we were preparing our minds with herbal remedies.. quite a bit, in fact. Passing by an expanse, a seeming entire horizon, with just one big Walmart in the middle, I began looking into the reality of the people inside. The consumers, and the employees. People working, to earn money.. to buy things. Sure, they paid rent, partied a bit.. but really.. not much beyond that simple, empty cycle. As if they were waiting for something. Waiting for some arbitrary moment to initiate their lives, and bring meaning and substance into their reality.

"What are we waiting for?" was my question.

Hours later, I was waiting for my "trip" to ensue. I heard these two gents, the guys who lived in the apartment, one of whom happened to tease me a bit back in elementary school, and so whom I never really felt respected by.

"Yea, I don't understand that shit.."
"Yea, what's the deal with time, man??"
"I dunno, its some confusing shit, man.."

I interrupted.

"You niggas talkin' bout time? Shyat.. I haven't talked to you niggas in DAYS.."

So I got up, to sit at the table...

"Yea, Will, explain time to us.. Enlighten us."

And with all honesty, I to this day, have no doubt that they meant it.

All of the sudden, not only was I not being ridiculed, I was being respected, honored, and given permission to "enlighten" these folks.. which was really what I felt like I was here to do in the first place anyway..

So, first thing I had to do, was acknowledge that I didn't know. I had to put my knowledge aside, because we clearly didn't understand time, or these two guys (and most of the world) wouldn't be so confused about it. So I had to inquire into that. Why don't we know? Can we not?

What's our relationship with time?

so it began...

Sure, you're curious where it goes from here.. but I must warn you, it gets INCREDIBLY heady.. I've known from that moment, that to record that conversation would be a powerful thing, and though I was 18.. I felt it could impact many lives, people of all ages.. in all directions of time, perhaps. What ensued in those following minutes felt to be a reality-bending warp that everyone in the room could feel.. sober, and the not-so-sober.

So, this inquiry followed

Do we move along time? Is time a static phenomenon? or does time move, and are we still? Or is it both? Time is moving, and we are moving within time? Are we separate from time? If we were not separate from time, how could we have a notion of time as being a separate phenomenon? What would this imply?

I kind of covered all the possibilities I could see.

We see that things move. This implies that either time is moving, or that there is movement, and time is a result. We can't really talk about time without understanding what it is, so lets acknowledge that. We don't know what it is. We don't even know that it is there to refer to. We are obviously not still, though time could be passing through us, and we being given movement from that passage. Understand? Like, for example, a person on a train. Looking out the train, it would appear (to one who didn't know better), that the background, the landscape is moving. However, the "reality" is that the train is moving. Toss a stone up, and catch it, and the stone has moved (in our view) simply up.. and down. However, relative to that landscape, the stone has moved a considerable distance, in an arc curve. So if time is still, then we would be the train, moving on celestial bodies.. hopping around. If time is moving, then it would be like the train. We would be stones hopping, bouncing around. We might not know about the background if there were no windows to the train. We might not realize that the farther we gaze into the landscape, the slower the objects appear to move, and the closer (like the nearby bushes, or the ground beneath us) we look, the faster they appear to move. We surely wouldn't misinterpret that they are moving at vastly different speeds, nor understand that they were indeed moving at the same speed--not at all (unless one considers the planet on which they exist).

(I don't think the inquiry was so complex)

So where does this leave us?

We still don't know. Good. Lets keep looking.

What do we notice about time..?

Whatever patterns, like the one we just mentioned, the movements tend to form cycles. In fact, the cycles are their own entity almost. However, the cycles form cycles when formed together.. So ultimately, these cycles and circles, form concentric cycles and circles that seem to have no beginning nor end.. much as.. a cycle or circle would. Hmm.. interesting..

Ultimately, we can go on and on, looking at every angle, but we have the most precious teacher, the most valuable resource right here. Where? There. No. Here.. NOOO! Right... NOW.

See? Shh.. Listen. Sit still. Be quiet. You can hear the cycles passing through the moment.. the moment passing through the cycles.. Which is it? Listen.. Find out.

What do we do with this?

Look where we are.. What we are.

This is perception. What a gift. We can look at all these things, and form questions, answers, and accept that we don't, can't, and perhaps needn't know. Sometimes the answers are the purpose, and sometimes the questions contain the answers.

To repeat the entire experience (like I've just attempted for perhaps the first time in 6 years) may be impossible. I can summarize.

This is what you need to hear from all this. Right now, everything is happening. From any given moment, infinite possibilities manifest, unfold. You choose in every moment whether you are aware or not. Even when you are not choosing, you are CHOOSING not to choose. Now, how aware are you? Awareness preceeds choice. Choice carries you through time, creating your reality moment by moment. Awareness lights the way. If there is a history, and there always is.. without fixating around the details, we can see the patterns, tendencies, habits, and see our likely trajectory save any changes. Remembering that we are ALWAYS in choice, we can take this insight, this awareness, and choose according to what we INTEND to CREATE. It is really quite simple, and rather obvious, right? Well, there are tremendous assumptions, cultural and otherwise, that keep us from such empowerment.

For instance.. We assume that our reality is static. Examples? Global condition. Politics. Weather. Our experience of ourselves. Our logisitcal reality. Our financial reality. Our relationship patterns (and current state). Thing is.. ALL of this, is dynamic. Its always changing. What a blessing eh? Your relationship with each is dynamic as well. For instance, your ability to influence say.. politics.. MAY not be so IMMEDIATE or direct as your ability to influence your experience of yourself. However, the laws and principals are the same. Awareness, choice, creation. What is this phenomenon that is aware, choosing, creating? What a beautiful question.. I'm glad you asked.

Lets end with this...

There is this controvoursey.. The whole "BIG BANG" theory tends to imply that all of this, existence, etc.. came into being (evolved) from a glitch, an accident, random happening. WHooo.. what a doosie!

Then there's the "Creation" story, which is that there is an intelligent creator (ie. God) that designed ALL of this.

Now, I've been told that BOTH can co-exist. What do you think? Hogwash. Lest we look at it.

Well, science and modern evidence lend themselves to the former.. evolution. So, if all of this.. the fingers that type, the mind that ponders, the many many manipulations this being can undertake.. the healing that happens on its own, the many life forms and elegant and intricate climactic, not to mention celestial balancing acts at play to maintain this planet's ecosystem.. if ALL this (miraculousness) evolved from RANDOMNESS...!? Well, that would imply something pretty profound about randomness, wouldn't it?

Then there's the other.. Uhh. Need we go there?

Who's to say that the universe (with a capital U, maybe?) doesn't actually communicate with us, ALL THE TIME? Hm? Consider it. How would we know? If Joe Schmoe were to start talking in Japanese, explaining the secrets of life and what to do to be a Millionaire.. would you get it? Only if you understand Japanese. My point being, that if we don't understand the vernacular of the universe, of life, of God.. that we will miss any and all messages that come our way.. UNLESS we LISTEN, and LEARN.

WHOA!!! what a humbling notion.

Not really. Its kind of a no-brainer.

Literally.

So maybe the "Universe" wouldn't use English at first. Maybe not even communications on a scale that would show up in the time frame of a movie or TV show. Maybe not even in the time it would take for the weather to change. However, if we were to devote ourselves, to truly listening for "signs" (ehh, lets not be tooo cheesy now), or rather.. intelligence, or rather.. the most clear, profound, and succinct, powerful intelligence we have ever encountered..

Scratch that. That comes later.

Try this on..

Ask yourself how God would communicate with you. Consider that its happening right now. Perhaps its been happening your whole life, and you just haven't noticed most of the time. You haven't been paying attention. We just kinda broke down time, and I dunno if you got it the same way I did, but the entirity of eternity seems to be linked in the same way that the entirity of space seems to be linked through the circular orbitals of electrons, planets, solar systems, etc.. So, there sure would seem to be access. And if any time.. all time. Get me? If its ever happened, its always happening.

If time machines are ever invented in the future, they exist now. Same for the past obviously..

So. Instead of TRYING to communicate, or listen.. just consider the possibility that its happening. Look at it, and maybe you'll even begin to see messages you've missed.

What's great, is that, looking at time in this new way, as being pockets of loops, but ultimately one Now.. gives us incredible access when we are still, and really presesnt with it.

So, start listening, looking, learning. There's no external source for this one.. Its all on you.

And from there, begin creating your life. Notice the key words in that sentence.

Hope it was helpful.

W